I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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