Christians are straight up FREAKS
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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