I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
