whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i drank out of a bidet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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