I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
