Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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