Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
