just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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