Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
