oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
