He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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