I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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