no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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