Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
