I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
