Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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