So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
