How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
