just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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