if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
