Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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