i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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