I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
