Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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