How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
