I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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