Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
