The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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