I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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