I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
