ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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