Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
