...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
false alarm, still single
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