Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
