Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
