discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
