you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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