were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
