I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
