I met the friendliest cop last night
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
