He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
someone owes me an orgasm
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And then my night got REAL pukey
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
