I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
