she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
