He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
