Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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