I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
