What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
