you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So vagazzling was a success
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
