I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
