Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
