I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
