Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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