how can u be prego again
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
