at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
