dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
